Little J
by Little-OZZO
Summary: REPOST - this is a repost rating change , sequel will be up after the last chapter. Tony finds himself in a difficult position - what will his decision be and how will events and people influence his decision. MPREG Nothing too explicit
1. Chap 1

Ok I'm reposting this under a new Rating – Sequel is almost done but will start with the first chapters as soon as the reposting is done.

Summary: Tony finds himself in a difficult position - what will his decision be and how will events and people influence his decision.

Disclaimer: Do not own NCIS; Do not own the team; JUST FICTION!!!

AN: This is set after SWAK.

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CHAPTER 1:

Tony walked into the room watching Gibbs sat staring out the window. For some reason there has been a tension between him and his lover and he just did not know how to approach the subject. That was one of the unspoken rules of their relationship, if that was what he could call whatever he and Gibbs has going on between them. He smiled wryly, thinking of 'Fight-club', rule number one – don't talk about this 'relationship', rule number two – don't talk about this 'relationship', rule number three – don't talk about this 'relationship'. He sighed and walked towards the kitchen, maybe he was not welcome anymore, maybe Gibbs regretted starting this 'relationship'. He might just have to cut his losses and leave before this gets too complicated and affects their working relationship and then he would have to leave everything here in DC, which was the last thing he wanted. Maybe he was putting too much pressure on Gibbs, he should give him some room. But he did not want to, he wanted nothing more than to just be with his lover. Wanting Gibbs to hold him close and tell him things will be ok. He shook his head, 'since when have you started becoming a girl, DiNozzo' he scolded himself. He was feeling more and more emotional lately and he did not know why. This was not the first time that he had been involved with someone, not the first time that things had not worked out, not even the first time that he was involved with his boss – although he would rather forget his indiscretion in Philly. He should be able to handle this better, he should be able to take the hint and leave.

Gibbs turned catching Tony's back as he walked into the kitchen, taking a deep breath he decided it might be time to come clean with his partner. The last week had been hell, and he did not know how to bring the topic into their general conversation. There was not easy way of telling him about his family, Kelly and Shannon had been a big part of his life and when they were killed it almost killed him too. And he has never shared this part of his life with anyone, not even Ducky knew about them. The only one that knew was Franks. He knew that it was time to come clean to Tony about it, their relationship has been going strong for the last six months now, since Tony's almost death with the plague. And after that so many things have happened and he just did not know he could give Tony more unexpected news. But with the anniversary of their deaths three days ago he had started to withdraw from Tony, not intentionally. But he felt guilty. Guilty that he was going on with his life, for the first time happy with the person he chose to be with while they were gone. He knew Shannon would have wanted him to be happy again, but it just did not feel right or maybe he was just a little scared to acknowledge that he was falling totally for Tony.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Boss." Tony's voice broke through his thoughts.

Looking up Gibbs saw the lost look in Tony's eyes and knew that he had to do something for the other man to stay, but for some reason he just let it be. "Yea," he said softly as he got up to walk with Tony.

Tony stopped at the door, feeling the tears threaten to fall, hating the fact that he felt so emotional. He turned around waiting for Gibbs to reach him, "Are we ok?" The uncertainty clear in his voice.

Gibbs smiled softly reaching for Tony, letting his hand cradle his cheek, "Yea, we're fine. We'll talk ok." Letting his hand go around to Tony's neck he pulled him closer so their heads touched. "I just need a bit of time to sort through things in my mind." Placing a caste kiss on his lips, "Give me time."

Tony's emotions overflowed at the soft touch and words, tears escaping his closed lids. "Yea," he said equally as soft and then pulled away, scraping the tears with the back of his hand. "See you tomorrow."

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Walking into the waiting room Dr. Mallard shook his head seeing Tony passing the length of the room, "Anthony, dear boy." Ducky's took hold of Tony's shoulders, "Maybe you should sit down before you fall down."

"I'm fine Ducky," Tony tried to argue.

"No you're not!" Ducky exclaimed, "when will you learn to look after yourself, when was the last time you had a decent meal?"

Tony sighed, "Ducky don't you think you should rather worry about Jimmy, he was the one that got shot." He shrugged out of the ME's hold and continued his passing.

Ducky turned to Abby who just shook her head, "Any word?" his concern clear.

"Nothing," Abby held onto him as he took a seat next to her, "I thought we would have heard something by now."

"I'm sure they are just making sure he is stable before they come and look for us," Ducky assured her. When they had loaded his trainee in the ambulance he was conscious and although in a lot of pain did not seem in any grave danger. "The bullet did not damage any vital organs or veins, he should be ok."

"Should not have been him," Tony said as he stopped at the window looking out as the rain continued falling. "I should have seen him drawing his gun." He could not believe he got his friend shot.

"None of us thought that he had another weapon on him, Tony there was nothing any of us could do," Ducky voice was strong as he spoke trying to rid the younger man of his guilt. "What happened was out of our control, and it is not so serious. He will be out of action for a week or two and I'm sure that he would relish the time to get through some of his studies." Ducky tried to lighten the mood.

"Yes," Abby said, "if I did not know better I think that our little Gremlin might have arranged it so that he could get the time off." She winked at Ducky, but by the look that Tony gave her she knew that he did not think it was quite as funny, but before she could say anything further the doctor walked in.

"Are you here for Mr. Palmer?"

"Yes," Tony said turning to face the doctor the worry clear in his face.

"I'm sorry it took so long to come to you, but we had another emergency that most of the personnel was called to and therefore could not come and give you a report." The doctor said looking at Ducky, "It was just a superficial wound close to the shoulder and he would be out of service for a few days only due to the fact that it would be a bit uncomfortable but nothing serious. He should be able to go home tomorrow morning, we are just keeping him overnight for observation. You are welcome to check with the nurses and see him."

Tony felt a little light headed as relieve washed over him, the stress giving way to tiredness. He did not get any sleep after he left Gibbs' house and ended up back at the office trying to keep his mind of their relationship problems. The day had been dragging which made it even more difficult to get his mind of things and Gibbs' bad mood did nothing to ease his mind, and he could not wait to go home and just fall on his bed and sleep for the remainder of their weekend off. But life was not destined to give him any easy outs and they were called out to the scene just before closing time. The scene was supposed to have been cleared by the LEO's and therefore no one expected the Petty Officer that was caught at the scene to still have a backup weapon. And when Tony saw him firing he was too late to get Jimmy out of the way, his reflexes not what it should have been.

"Tony?" Abby took his arm, guiding him to a chair, "hey are you ok?"

Tony blinked a few times, trying to get Abby back in focus. "Yea, just got a bit lightheaded there." He smiled at her not wanting her to worry more, "Just been a long week."

"Maybe you should get yourself checked out," Ducky said sitting next to him, "you have not had a follow-up with Bradley in the last five months, and it might be good to just make sure you still all right."

"I'm fine Ducky, and I have my appointment with him next week anyway so you don't have to worry about that. I just did not sleep well last night and I have actually not eaten much today," Tony spoke honestly not wanting them to make a big issue of this.

Ducky was caught off guard by the open acknowledgement that he had neglected himself, Tony would never admit that he was not looking after himself, always making excuses. "Just as I said earlier my dear boy, you have to look after yourself. You need to eat a decent meal every day."

Tony smiled knowing that he had diverted the older man's worry, "It is not as if I can't do with losing a few pounds Ducky, I think I have picked up more in the time I've been with …" He stopped abruptly almost outing him and his boss in front of his friends.

"Oh I knew you were seeing someone!" Abby exclaimed happily, "Timmy owes me big time. Who is she, do we know her?"

"Not now Abby," Tony grimaced knowing that he had now opened a whole new can of worms.

"Come on Tony, you can't just spring this on us and not give us more detail. I told Timmy that you are looking a lot happier in the last few months and that there was someone special you have not told us about."

Ducky smiled, "Yes, and I have to agree with you, you have picked up a few pounds but it did you good you were way to thin for my liking."

"Well at least I'm happy that you are happy I'm getting fat!" Tony sighed, "Let's drop this and go and see Jimmy, he most probably thinks we have forgotten about him." With that he got up and headed for the door leaving Abby and Ducky to smile at each other.

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AN: So what do you think???? Please review


	2. Chapter 2

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"DiNozzo!" Gibbs spoke as he rounded the corner finding the other agent on his way out, "And where do you think you're going?" Tony head sank to his chest, the weekend apart had not changed his lover's mood and it was as if he was getting worse. "Do I have your report on my desk, seeing that you thought it was not important on Friday?" Gibbs knew that Tony was worried about Palmer but not to come back after receiving the news that Jimmy was fine was unacceptable.

"If you had the time to check your e-mail, Agent Gibbs, you would have seen it was emailed to you on Friday night and the hard copy is already collecting dust on your desk." Tony was tired of being the one taking the grunt of Gibbs' moods, "And as you are well aware I have my check-up with Dr. Pitt today but if you want I'll cancel it, no problem." He turned around walking back towards his desk ignoring the shocked look on Ziva and Tim's faces. Picking up the phone he started dialing Brad's number.

Gibbs was shocked with the reply, he waited for Tony to come back from the hospital but after an hour he thought that Tony had just decided to go home. He did not bother to contact him knowing he had asked Tony for some time, but he did not know that Tony had come back to the office later that night. He watched as Tony headed back to his desk picking up the phone, "Leave it," his voice softer as he took the phone from Tony, "Ducky will have my head if you don't go."

Tony muttered under his breath, not at all happy that that was the only reason, but said nothing.

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Brad looked up as Tony walked in, "Morning Tony, take a seat I'll be with you in a few minutes."

"Morning, take your time I'm in no rush." Tony said as he sat down looking quite low.

Brad stopped writing as he saw the down cased look on Tony's face, "Are you doing ok, you look quite tired."

"Yea I'm fine, I'm just a little upset, nothing much to complain about though."

"Other than the fact that you look tired I must say you look quite healthy, have you picked up a bit of weight?"

"Oh don't you start as well, I know I've picked up a bit of weight, but I'll start training more from this week."

"No Tony, please don't you don't look over weight you look healthy and it is good for you." Brad smiled, "the new love doing you good."

"Who said there was a new love?"

"Only love can make you look good and miserable at the same time."

"Yea," Tony sighed.

"Want to talk about it?" Brad offered, knowing that Tony would not talk to anyone.

"No," Tony smiled again, "just a bit of stress. It will get better, no use to worry too much."

"Well you know that I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thanks, now let's get this over with or Gibbs will have my ass if I don't get tot the office before long."

"Well he can go screw himself, I'll keep you here the whole day if I want and he can't do anything about it. I outrank him when it comes to your health."

"So what do you need today?"

"Some x-rays, maybe it would be good to draw some blood as well. Would be good to check if all is still well."

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"Gibbs," the rough voice caught Brad off guard, he did not think that Gibbs would answer Tony's phone.

"Agent Gibbs, its Dr. Pitt, is Tony available for me."

"Why do you need him, I thought he went to see that you on Monday," Gibbs did not know if he should be worried or annoyed, he had always been a little jealous of the good doctor. Tony's history with Brad had always been a hard pill to swallow.

"He was here on Monday and I need to see him regarding the blood results," Brad spoke not easily intimidated.

"He has gone to out to follow up on a lead, I'll get him to contact you as soon as he gets back," Gibbs answered gruff, "is it anything we should be worried about?"

"Well unfortunately I can not disclose that to you, you know with doctor/patient confidentiality. But be sure to tell him that I would like to see him and that it is quite important."

"I will," Gibbs said feeling his gut starting to crunch. He had not picked up anything wrong with Tony. Yea he has picked up a little bit of weight but nothing to concerning and he had been doing well with the training, had not been sick in the last few months and the only thing he could think of was the fact that Abby mentioned he had a bit of a dizzy-spell on Friday when he went to see Jimmy at the hospital, but nothing too major. He might have been partly responsible for that with the pressure he has been putting on Tony not only in the office but with their relationship as well. He will just have to trust that Tony would tell him if there was anything major wrong, or he could ask Ducky to get Brad to give him an update of his checkup for his medical records. But just maybe there was a third option, he could always insist on going with or just pop in and find out what was going on.

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Tony sat across from Brad, shocked expression on his face. The news running wild within his mind, how could something like this happen. He looked up at Brad, "How is it possible?"

"Well I'm not a specialist in this field but I can make and appointment for you to see someone that would be able to give you more information on your condition," Brad sighed he knew that news like this must be hard to take in.

Tony nodded, "Yea, that would be great." He looked directly at Brad, "Have you ever heard of this condition before."

"You mean pseudohermaphrodism," Brad smiled as Tony rolled his eyes at the medical term.

"Yea, what ever," Tony said clearly a bit annoyed and confused.

"Well, I must be honest and say that I have not had the experience of seeing a case like that before but I have read about it during my studies, however that is a total different type of medicine. I have contacted a friend of the mine at the University and he knows of someone who had done quite extensive research on this and I have spoken to her and she is quite eager to meet you."

"Oh great now I'm not only going to be your little pin cushion but now someone else is going to want a part of me as well." Tony sighed, "Has she said anything to you about this when you spoke to her, has she seen anything like this."

"Her name is Dr. Gail Sanders, and according to her although it is not well known it is not as rare as we would expect, although they do normally pick this up at a much younger age."

"What exactly does this all mean in layman's terms, please Brad," Tony sounded quite tired.

"Ok, there are cases when a baby is born with both male and female genital organs, sometimes at the same time. Female embryos exposed to high levels of male hormones develop female internal reproductive organs but male external genitalia." Brad stopped, looking concerned, "The only problem here is that although this does happen it is dealt with at a very early age and the parents makes the decision to either go with raising the child as a boy or girl and they remove the necessary genitalia. "

"I always wondered why my mom wanted to play dress up with me," Tony joked lightly.

"They might not have known Tony. I had a look at your medical history and you were not a sickly child. Parents only tend to take you to the doctor when you are ill."

"Well it does not help me now, does it?" Tony got up waling to the window.

"Gail is a specialist in this area and I got an appointment for you to see her on Monday," Brad stood up and walked beside Tony, "I'll go with if you want. She would need to know about your bout with the plague especially since this is also quite a rare occasion that someone with this condition has become pregnant."

"When you say rare, how uncommon is it Brad."

"Well I can't really say maybe it would be best to speak with Gail about that." Brad placed his hand on Tony's shoulder. "Maybe you should ask your partner to come with."

Tony turned around shock on his face, the thought of telling Gibbs now just made his stomach turn. What was he going to say to him, he shook his head. "No! I don't want anyone to know about this Brad." He said seriously, "I'll speak to Gail, I'm going to request her to do an abortion." His face showing no emotions.

"Tony," Brad walked towards him trying not to sound shocked, "you are almost four months pregnant."

"So," Tony started getting his jacket needing to get out of the office.

"It is not safe to perform an abortion after 12 weeks of pregnancy," Brad placed a hand on Tony's shoulder as he sank onto the chair again, silence filled the room.

Brad stat watching Tony quietly, knowing that the news were quite a lot to take in and he knew that an unexpected pregnancy was always difficult to handle but being male and having to go through this would make the toughest man break.

After almost fifteen minutes Tony looked up at Brad, "What am I suppose to do now?" Tears forming in his eyes, "How do I tell him I'm pregnant Brad, he will kill me."

"Hey it can't be that bad," Brad tried to reassure him, "I'm sure he will be happy as soon as the shock wears off."

"The fuck I will," Brad and Tony both turned towards the door seeing the angry expression on Gibbs' face.

"How long have you been there," Tony asked, turning whiter than he already was.

"Long enough to know that you are pregnant," Gibbs spoke angrily, "were you planning on telling me, or is it not mine."

"What," Tony stood up in shock, how could Gibbs think that he cheated on him.

"Oh, don't sound so shocked," Gibbs threw back at him, "We have not slept together for the past few weeks, and before that we always used protection."

"Unfortunately that is not always 100% safe Agent Gibbs," Brad stepped in seeing that Tony was starting to loose his control of his emotions. He was shocked at the revelations that Gibbs was the other party but then it should not have shocked him that much, he could see there was a close bond between the two from the first day Gibbs walked passed him and basically told Tony he would not die.

Gibbs turned on Brad, "You can stay out of this, or maybe you want to protect your little love interest in Tony?"

"I don't have to listen to your insults," Brad turned towards Tony again, seeing the lost expression on his face, "Maybe you should sit down."

Shaking his head Tony picked up his keys, "I have to go," he said almost as an afterthought. He turned to Gibbs, "you'll have my resignation on your desk tomorrow."

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	3. Chapter 3

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Gibbs threw the phone against the floor, getting up angrily. "I'm going for coffee."

Ziva and McGee just looked at each other concern clear on both their faces. Since the call from Brad this morning things have been off kilter in the office. They only knew that Tony had to go back to get the results of his tests and has not come back since then. Gibbs went out not long after Tony left and came back in the foulest of moods.

"Do you know why Tony is not back yet, McGee?" Ziva spoke first.

"No," Tim shook his head looking at Tony's desk as if to find the answer there. "Do you think that he might have received bad news from Dr. Pitt?"

"That might explain why he is not back and maybe Gibbs' bad mood as well. But things are definitely a little kinkie"

"That will be hinkie, but yea, maybe we should find out from Abby. Tony would tell her." Tim sounded a little put off as he spoke the last words.

"I think so," Ziva got up walking over to McGee, "You are still jealous of Tony and Abby's friendship, no?"

"Now why would you say that," Tim got up making his way with Ziva to the elevator.

"It just seems that you always get a bit, blue around the edges when you talk about them."

"Blue?" McGee looked a bit confused.

"Yea, you know jealous."

"Green, Ziva. It is green with jealousy!"

"So you are, green then?"

"No," Tim sighed, "well he tends to take over when we are together. And it is as if I'm not even there."

"Well Tony has always been like that."

"I know," Tim says as the doors open at the floor of the lab, "It is just that Abby and I are just getting our relationship on track and he comes and I just," he stops, "I just can't take it any more."

They walked into the lab just as Abby came out, keys and purse in hand. She looked a bit worried. "Timmy, Ziva," she said out loud.

"Where are you going?" Tim asked as he followed her to the elevator.

"I can't say, but I have to go," Abby spoke as she pressed the button a third time.

"What is the hush, Abby, is something wrong," Ziva said her gut starting to crunch.

"Rush!" Abby said and shook her head, "Look I can't talk right now, Brad said that Tony left his office a while ago and he is not answering his phone. Tony never ignores my calls McGee and he has not come back yet. And Gibbs is angry about something and I'm sure it has to do with the test results but Brad does not want to tell me what was wrong but I know it must be bad. He would not ignore my calls if it was not bad McGee."

"Hey Abby calm down," Tim took her by her shoulders trying to get her to stop pacing for a second. "I'm sure it is ok, and you know Gibbs he gets pissed of for the smallest thing."

"No McGee, this is bad I can feel it here," she holds her hand over her heart. And as the lift arrives she gets in leaving the two of them standing with open mouths.

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"I'm not going back Abby," Tony spoke calmly as he got off the couch. He had thought about it and he had decided that even if he had to go through with the pregnancy, he would be giving the baby up for adoption. There was no way that he was going to keep a reminder of the fact that he and his baby were not wanted.

"Come on Tony," Abby followed him into the kitchen, opening the fridge to get another redbull. "You know the Boss just overreacted, I'm sure now that he had the time to look at it calmly he will realize that he can not loose you or the baby." Abby was still in the 7th heaven after hearing that Tony was pregnant and it was and even bigger and better surprise finding out that Gibbs was the other father, so to speak. She has always thought that they would make the perfect couple. But she knew that they were both equally hardheaded and stubborn and if one of them does not give in this was all going to end very badly.

She watched as Tony unconsciously placed his hand over his growing tummy as he stared out the window waiting for the pasta to boil. Well at least now they knew why he was picking up a bit of weight, she smiled just thinking of the little DiNozzo-Gibbs growing in there. He or she was surely going to be the most beautiful baby. She just hoped that the baby does not get both it's fathers' stubbornness. She walked up to him placing her had over his, "Are you sure you want to give him up?"

Tony felt a lump form, and turning away from Abby he said sadly, "I won't be able to do this on my own Abbs and Gibbs has made it clear what he thinks of this."

"But you have not spoken to him," Abby tried yet again. "I'm sure he was just as shocked as you finding out that he was going to be a dad."

"You did not see his face Abby," Tony sighed, "Look can we just not talk about him for now. I'm not going to spoil my evening pining over someone that I can not change."

Abby knew that the topic was closed for now, but she was not going to let it die here, she knew that Gibbs had reacted badly and had told him so to his face. She could also see the hurt in his blue eyes and knew that there was something behind his reaction, she just had to get him to open up to her. But Gibbs would have to wait for a bit later; her mission now was to make Tony stay, other wise nothing else would make any sense. "Ok, but I still think that you will make a great daddy. This little guy is going to be the best dressed baby at NCIS."

Tony sighed, he knew that Abby would not let up on getting him back to NCIS and now it seems that she was not willing to let him get rid of the baby either. Maybe he will let her think she got her way just a little, "And if it is a girl?" Abby's smiled returned for the first time since all this happened, and Tony knew he gave her a little hope, although it was false hope, but she did not have to know that.

"Oh no I don't think it will be a girl, I think you and the Boss-man have too much testosterone to be able to even think of making a girl." Abby gave him a big hug, feeling a little relieved, "but if it is a girl she will be the most beautiful angel there is, with her big daddy's blue eyes and her other daddy's smile that would get the men dropping at her feet. You will have to start stocking up on your ammunition to keep them all at bay."

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	4. Chapter 4

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"Do you want to explain to me why you are just letting him go, Jethro," Ducky said as he took a seat in the living room after entering Gibbs' house.

"To be honest Ducky," Gibbs handed over the drink to his old time friend, "I can't."

"Honesty is always best you know," Ducky took a sip and smiled in appreciation. "Always loved a good bourbon. "

"Hmm," Gibbs said sitting across from him.

"I realize the pregnancy has come as a shock to you, but believe me none were more shocked that that poor boy, and now you are just going to let him deal with this on his own." Ducky placed his drink on the table.

"He won't be alone Ducky, he is staying here and the team will be here for him. You said yourself that he has the best doctor to deal with this situation and Abby is already having a field day with the prospect of having a little baby on the way." Deep within Gibbs was thankful that Abby was able to talk him out of leaving DC, but he had to be honest that the relieve was also there when he requested another team. He did not know if he would have been able to deal with seeing Tony every day.

"You heard that he has requested to change teams?" Ducky was not happy with his friends no-care attitude.

Gibbs nodded, "Jenny told me last night."

"Last night?" Ducky raised his eyebrow in question.

Gibbs ignored his inquisition, "Look Ducky, I know that he did not ask for this, but neither did I. I don't want children!" Gibbs said frustrated as he got up, walking to the window, the memories of his little girl still vivid in his mind. "That was one of the reasons I never seemed to be able to keep a relationship with any of my previous wives, they thought that they would be able to change my mind."

"Abby said that he spoke about giving the baby up for adoption." Ducky did not know if this fact was known to his friend and wanted to see what the reaction would be.

Gibbs turned around, not really shocked, but surprised none the less. "What do you want me to say Ducky." Gibbs pulled his hand through his hair, why could his life not be simpler, why did he have to make these difficult decisions. "Do you want me to say that I'll stand by him and just pretend that none of this has happened. And that we will be able to continue where we were when all this is said and done." Gibbs shook his head, "I don't know if I could do that and I don't think that Tony will be able to do it."

"So you are giving up on him, you are just going to let him go and pretend that you are not involved in all this."

"I'll be around Ducky, he knows that. The whole team will be here for him."

"But he needs more than that Jethro, he needs you to have his back, he needs to know that when everyone bails on him you will still be there."

Gibbs closed his eyes the pain of losing his family has still not healed and he did not know if it ever would. How do you explain this to people who do not know the history behind his decision.

The door bell chose that moment to ring and Gibbs felt a little relieved, this confrontation with Ducky was going no where and he did not want to take part in it any longer. Jenny walked in a few seconds later, unaware of Gibbs' guest, a bottle of wine and a bag full of Chinese food, "Evening Jethro, thought I'd bring some dinner seeing that you paid last night." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and then turned to head to the kitchen, freezing in place at the sight of the older man on the couch. "Doctor Malard," she forced a smile, "my apologies I did not realize that Jethro had company."

"No apologies necessary Director," Ducky stood up, "I was about to leave," he nodded politely and then turned to Gibbs, "If you'll walk me out."

Gibbs knew what was coming, knew that they will all be upset about the fact that he had restarted his relationship with Jenny. But he just wanted things to be simple, he hated a complicated life. "I'll be with you in a few minutes Jenny," Gibbs said and then turned to walk behind Ducky. As the door closed behind him he sighed, "Don't say it please Duck."

"Say what Jethro," Ducky put his hat back on walking towards the care, "That I thought you had a little bit more compassion in you. That you could have waited for Tony to feel a little more secure before you go and throw this on him as well."

"Look, I was confused and I needed someone to talk to. Jenny was there and she listened," Gibbs signed again. "It is not as if I'm going to throw it in is face Ducky. I'm not intending for anyone to find out about this."

"Then I hope you tell her that, because since the day she walked into NCIS she had her hooks in for you and she did not fail to let everyone know that. Do you think for one minute that she will not be proclaiming it to the world, and especially Tony, now that she knows that you have left him?" Ducky shook his head as he opened the door to his car, "I'm sorry to say dear friend that you are about to make the worse decision of your life. One day you are going to look back at this day and realize that you threw away what could have been the best thing that has ever happened to you to settle for the ordinary."

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Tony got up from his desk, walking over to the vending machine. His cravings for peanuts were driving him up the wall and he has had about every candy bar that had the faintest sent of peanuts in them. He dropped the coins in the machine choosing yet another one, "You know you going to make me fat," he spoke softly to his growing bulge.

"Oh dear boy, I must say that the little one has no choice in what you give him for lunch," Ducky's voice was amused looking at Tony from the door.

"Hi Ducky," Tony said shamefully, "It's the cravings, its going to drive me nuts – no pun intended."

"Yes, I'm afraid that is a big part of pregnancy, but do ensure that you have something more than that for lunch dear boy." Ducky walked with Tony to his desk, leaning against the empty desk next to him. "Have you taken your vitamins and supplements this morning?"

"Yes dad," Tony rolled his eyes. "I can assure you that I'm looking after myself and I would not dare not to seeing that I have three wives and a father checking up on me."

"We do it because we care Anthony." Ducky smiled, "and speaking of Brad what did the good doctor say at the checkup?"

"Well, I'm getting fat!" Tony smiled, sitting down behind his desk, placing a hand on his tummy, "Gail said it's growing nicely and is happy with my health."

Ducky shook his head, there were moments when it seemed that Tony was growing closer to the little one but then just like that he would just revert back to being clinical about it. He had a scan about a month ago and the sonar had shown what looked like a health baby boy, although it was not always 100% accurate. Tony however still reverted to calling him, an "it", stating that he did not want to become too attached to "it". They had all hoped that Tony would change his mind on the adoption issue but as the time passed and his relationship with Gibbs turned worse, he had just kept on insisting on giving him up. In the passed three months he, Abby, Brad and Gail had all tried their level best to get him to change his mind but the only one that could do that would not even speak to him. It was hard enough to get him to stay where they could keep an eye on him and make sure that he looks after himself but he was not giving an inch about the adoption. Sometimes he wished that he was younger so that he could knock some sense into his friend, Gibbs could be a total bastard if he wanted.

"Well I must be off," Ducky smiled as he stood up, "apparently there was a shooting at the base camp, seven men gunned down by a young recruit. Think it is going to take quite some time to clear the scene."

"Can I help with anything Ducky?" Tony asked eagerly as he got up, "Sitting here going through file after file of cold cases is starting to get a little boring."

"I'm afraid that you will be of no help to me, dear boy, the only thing I'll need is someone who would have to pick up the bodies and you are in no condition to do that," Ducky said sadly seeing the dejected look on Tony's face.

"Yea, not much worth to anyone these days," Tony said desponded, sitting down again.

"O dear me, I'm not saying that dear lad," Ducky felt horrible, "it's just that I don't want you to strain yourself."

"It's fine Ducky," Tony smiled his now famous fake smile, "I'll survive as soon as this thing is out me I'll be good as new."

The slap to the back of his head was unexpected and he felt a little anxious to turn around, not daring to hope. "If I hear you call my nephew that again I'm going to hit you so hard you'll forget your first name." Abby said as she came to stand in front of him.

Tony's face fell again, "Sorry," he said not looking at Abby. "I just wish that I can go back sometimes you know."

"Yea you miss him don't you?" Abby spoke softly.

Tony looked up, hurt still clear in his eyes, but schooled quickly with anger, "What I meant was that I would never have started a relationship with him. Then this," he pointed at his bulge, "would not have happened."

Abby shook her head she knew better than to argue with him but she also knew that anger was the only way he was able to deal with the hurt at the moment. "Ok, but just so you know I'm here to ask you for some help. The Director said that I could get you to help seeing that most of the teams were going to be involved at the scene getting the evidence and I'll need some help with all the evidence. You can be my personal assistant, I'll let you wear a lab coat and everything."

Tony 'smiled' again, "I'm sure I can do that."


	5. Chapter 5

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"Abbs tell me you have something for me," Gibbs walked into the quiet lab his usual gruff mood as everyone has gotten used to by now. It has been a long day and he was not in the mood to be nice, they needed to close this and get all the evidence processed so that the families of the seven men could get closure. It was basically a cut and dry case but the SecNav insisted on a full investigation as to the reason behind the attack. When he did not get any answer he walked into the office seeing her slump on the desk with her head under what looked like a towel, most likely to keep the harsh lights out. She like everyone else must be totally dead on her feet. They have been working nonstop for the past two days and he himself have been asleep before the SecNav called again this afternoon.

Walking up behind her he sighed, he did not really want to wake her up, and he did not know how she would react. He missed her a lot, with everything going on Abby has given him the cold shoulder, with reason. And he felt bad about it but there were things they did not know and understand and he was not ready to talk about it, not because he did not want to but because in his own head it still did not make much sense.

Taking a deep breath he decided that it would just be better to get this over with so that they all could go and get some decent sleep in a bed. He kept his voice low as he edged closer to her ear, "Hey Abbs." Getting no response he raised his voice a bit, "Wake up." he shook her shoulder as he spoke.

Tony almost jumped out of the chair at the touch, stumbling backwards as he saw the shocked expression on Gibbs' face. "Sorry, I was just closing my eyes. I did not mean to fall asleep, I… I…"

_Ah hell, Tony_. Gibbs thought as he saw his ex stumble over his own feet to get away from him, fear and hurt clear in his unguarded eyes, _what has he done_. "It's ok," Gibbs tried to keep his tone calm, wanting to reach out to him. He was glad that Abby had talked Tony out of resigning, but was quite relieved when he requested to be placed on another team and then ultimately the Director gave him his own desk with one assistant to go through cold cases, not wanting to have Tony out in the field for obvious reasons. He made sure that he avoided Tony as far as he could, not really able to get all that has happened processed in his mind he did the only thing he knew and that was to push him away.

"Boss, Boss," McGee's voice broke the tense silence between the two men, "we found something, I think…" McGee stopped when he walked into the office seeing the two men in front of him. "Hm, Sorry. I didn't know you were busy."

"I've got to go," Tony said leaving the lab before Gibbs had time to react.

"Sorry Boss, I didn't mean to interrupt," McGee said feeling a bit foolish.

"It's nothing McGee, what do you have for me?" Gibbs said roughly walking towards the door.

"Abby and I have been going through the evidence again and we think we found something that would be able to proof our theory of revenge." McGee said as he followed Gibbs down to the basement.

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Walking down to the gym, McGee was quite pleased with himself, they had found the evidence that proved the new recruit only joined the force to get revenge for his elder brother's death. His brother committed suicide because he was being harassed by his fellow mates about being gay and that led to his rape after which he committed suicide. All McGee wanted to do now was have a quick workout and then go home and get some rest. He had started this routine of working out after he was promoted to Senior Field Agent when Tony left the team. He had never thought being SFA was such a great responsibility, Tony had never seemed to have any more stress on him than any of them. He had always kept on joking around, never looked like he was working much, but he found out that, with the title of SFA came the responsibilities as well. He had learned the hard way that because of Tony's lighthearted banter with the other personnel he was able to get things done and organized much easier. When he was still Tony's "Probie" the only person he was responsible for was his partner, but now he had the added responsibility to watch the Boss' six as well as the rest of the team. And if that was not enough he had to basically teach the new Probie everything, but as Abby kept on reminding him that was exactly what Tony had to do. If he was honest with himself he must say that he had gained a new found respect for Tony in that regard. Not that he would ever admit it to Tony.

Thinking about Tony these days actually made him a little angry and frustrated. It was not really Tony's fault either, but it was because of him that it seemed he had not spent a single weekend alone with Abby. And if they did spent time together the topic of Tony was always one of the things that got them into a fight. Tony was relying more and more on Abby to help him out these days and it seems he has grown emotionally attached to 'his' Abby.

Walking into the locker room McGee noticed Tony sitting against the wall, head leaned back and his hand rubbing his belly. Again McGee knew that he would not have been able to deal with being pregnant, it was just not natural. Then again, it did not seem that Tony was dealing with it any better. McGee felt a little sorry for him, especially knowing that Gibbs was the other parent and did not take the news well at all. Gibbs had always been a little harder on Tony with everything, but the way he had been treating Tony the passed couple of moths had not really bode well with McGee. It was not as if Tony had asked to get pregnant.

McGee sighed, not that he could take Gibbs on regarding his behaviour as he himself had not really shown any sympathy towards Tony. He knew it was wrong, but Tony always had the ability to bring out the worse in him and he sometimes just could not help himself. Tony was like the bullies he knew growing up, always trying to belittle him any way they could. And for the first time since he started at NCIS he had one up on Tony and he was ashamed to say it but if felt good.

It seemed that Tony had the canning ability to bring out the best and worst in any person. And there were times when you did not know if you loved or hated him.

He stopped his train of thoughts as he heard Tony's voice and for a second he thought he was caught daydreaming, but then he realized that Tony was not speaking to him. He moved a little closer not wanting to intrude but his curiosity got the better of him.

"Sorry for doing this little J," Tony's voice was soft. McGee frowned, Tony sounded totally defeated. Then the frown turned deeper at Tony's next words and that little devil stuck his evil head out again, as the anger boiled within McGee's entire body. "I thought I could ask Ant Abby if she would like to be your mommy, you would like that, wouldn't you."

"What!" McGee could not hold the anger inside anymore.

Tony looked up shocked seeing McGee towering over him, "It's not what you think Tim."

"Not what I think?" McGee turned around starting to walk away from Tony, afraid of what he might do or say if he did not leave immediately.

"Wait!" Tony spoke as he got up slowly, "just let me explain."

McGee stopped at the door turning around, anger clear on his face, "Explain what, that you are planning to take Abby from me." Tony opened his mouth, but McGee did not give him chance, "No wait, you have already managed to get her on your side, with your 'poor little Tony' act. And now you want to get married to her and raise your fucking brat with her."

"Tim," Tony reached out to him, wanting to calm him down but it had the opposite effect and he did not even have time to react as the fist connected with his nose.

Then it seemed as if everything happened in slow motion, Tony's head snapped back at the impact and then he tumbled backwards loosing his balance completely and then the sickening sound of his head connecting with the side of the bench made everything stop.

Tim stood shocked, watching as everything happened in front of him as if in a movie. He willed his mind to react but for the life of him he could not get his body to respond. Seeing Tony lying so still on the floor, blood running from his broken nose, was not what he had wanted. Then adrenaline kicked in and he fell to the floor next to the unconscious man, _Oh God what have I done!_ Reaching for his phone he quickly dialed Gibbs' desk hoping to God that he was still there.

"Gibbs."

"Boss," the panic was clear in the younger agent's voice and it made Gibbs sit up straight.

"McGee, what's wrong."

"B.. B.. Boss it's Tony," McGee stammered, "I… he…"

"McGee," Gibbs anxious voice made Ducky stop in his tracks, "calm down and tell me where you are."

"In the gym," McGee breathed out.

"We're coming," Gibbs said as he put the phone down, looking at Ducky. "Something's happened to DiNozzo, might need to come down with me to the gym."

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AN: Sorry for leaving it there!!


	6. Chapter 6

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As Gibbs and Ducky entered the gym they froze at the sight, McGee was holding Tony in his arms tears streaming down his face, "Wake up Tony, please."

Gibbs placed a hand on his shoulder making McGee look up, the shock and fear clear in his eyes, "Let him go so Ducky can look at him."

McGee looked at Ducky, who had already knelled beside him, "Oh dear boy what happened here."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." McGee whispered as he let go of Tony placing him back on the floor and then got up pacing behind them.

"Jethro, I think it would be a good idea to contact an ambulance and try and get Timothy to calm down." Ducky's voice held no room for discussion and then the turned to Tony, "Ah hell Anthony, let's take a look and see how bad it is." As he touched the place of impact Tony let out a moan. "That's it Anthony, son open your eyes."

Tony's eyes opened slowly and he looked up at the worried look on Ducky's face, panic rising quickly, "The baby," he whispered, his hand going instinctively to his bulge.

"Keep calm young man," Ducky's voice was soothing, "I'm sure his just fine."

"What happened?" Tony asked confused.

"Now I was really hoping you could tell me," Ducky asked a little concerned that Tony could not remember.

Closing his eyes Tony sighed, "It was just a misunderstanding. I'm fine. Just help me up."

"I'm sure it was a misunderstanding but I don't believe you're fine and I think you should stay down until the Medics can have a look at you." Ducky spoke softly as he held Tony to the ground. "Now tell me does it hurt anywhere, and be honest. It will do you and your baby no good if you lie about this."

"Think my nose is broken," Tony said looking behind Ducky at McGee. "And I'll have a nice headache for witch I can't take anything, but other than that nothing is sore."

"Ok," Ducky smiled then turned to Gibbs, "are they on the way."

"Should be here in a few minutes, Duck," Gibbs said looking at his friend, already a little more relieved seeing the ME smile.

"What's going on?" Abby's voice made McGee's heart sank, "I found the Medics in the elevator." She looked at McGee and then her eyes caught Ducky on the floor next to Tony, "Oh my God Tony."

"Nothing to worry about Abby," Tony smiled up at her but then grimaced as his face hurt. "I'm fine."

Abby knelled down next to Ducky, taking Tony's hand, "What happened to your face?" She looked at Ducky who shrugged, Gibbs just looked away. Then she saw Tim's shocked face and things fell into place, "He hit you?" she whispered to Tony, looking straight at Tim.

"It's not as bad as it looks Abbs," Tony tried to assure her.

Getting up she walked right up to McGee, "You fucking hit him."

"I…" Tim was at a loss of words.

"It's not enough that he had to leave the team that he loved, had to be left by the fucking bastards that got him pregnant and whom he loves more than anything." She missed the pained look that flashed on Gibbs face at her harsh words, but right at that moment Abby's anger got the better of her and she started poking McGee in the chest, "No, you had to kick him while he's down, didn't you! What did you think McGee, can't pick on someone when they can fight back! Had to do it when he has nothing left, have to take the little he has from him as well."

"You don't understand he's taking you away from me!" McGee retaliated.

"And what! I'm yours. Fuck you McGee. I am not your property, you can not tell me who I should be friends with." Abby's eyes were burning with fury.

"Abbs calm down." Gibbs tried to intervene.

Wrong decision, as Abby turned on him, "No mister don't you even think of taking his side. But then again, you have not been on Tony's side since he found out he was pregnant with YOUR child. You did the same thing his father did, you threw him away. Pushed him aside like he was an old toy that you did not have any use for anymore. Well you were not there every single night as he cried his heart out, trying hard to just get the strength to face each day, knowing that you will be there but not there for him. Asking me why this had to happen to him, wanting to know what was wrong with him that nobody could love him. You broke his heart!" She swallowed hard then in an almost whisper, "you broke him." Before long the three was locked up in a heated argument about who's fault it was and who did what to whom.

"Stop it!" Tony shouted as he pushed the Medics away from him, not able to take the fighting any more.

Everyone froze in place, Ducky placed a hand on his arm trying to calm him. "Easy there Anthony, don't go straining yourself." He shot a look at the other three people in the room, "I think you can all leave now, you've done enough." He looked back at Tony feeling his heart break at the sight of his young friend emotionally and physically drained. "Let's take you to the hospital and get you checked out properly."

"Can't you just do it in autopsy Ducky, please I don't want to go to hospital," his eyes pleading with his friend, "you know Brad and Gail will go all mother hen on me, and I don't think I would be able to take that right now."

"Tony, your nose is most probably broken and that could affect your breathing." Ducky placed a comforting hand on Tony's arm, "I fear it is best if we go to the hospital and get you checked out."

Without further argument Tony allowed the Medics to load him on the stretcher, Ducky walking by his side. He gave a final look towards the other three people in the room seeing them start to follow the stretcher and then turned to Ducky, "I don't want to see any of them, Ducky. I just can't deal with them any more today."

Ducky squeezed his hand trying to give a bit of comfort, "I'll make sure they don't disturb you, as long as I can go with you." Tony nodded and then closed his eyes. Ducky looked back at the other three shaking his head as they started to follow.

Abby gulped back a sob and turned and walked away, she did not want to be with them at the moment. Gibbs and McGee just stopped and watched as Tony was wheeled into the elevator, knowing that this little incident might have major repercussions.

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Abby paced the length of her lab, clearly distressed. It had been the three longest days of her life, and she did not know what to do anymore. She had not meant to go off on either Tim or Gibbs on Thursday night but she just lost it in the heat of the moment. Seeing Tony on the ground with his face all bloody had just made something snap inside her. She has tried her level best to make thing right between Tony and Gibbs but neither of them even gave an inch, and although she still loved Gibbs like a father she hated what he had done to Tony. And McGee was even worse, he knew exactly what Tony had gone through, seen him cry himself to sleep. Yes he might have been jealous but he should know by now that Abby loved Tony like a brother, they were best friends. She truly loved McGee and if he was so unsure of her love maybe it would not work out between them. She was not willing to leave all her friends just because McGee felt threatened.

She looked up at McGee as he walked in with Ziva, then turned away from him. She was still upset with him and determined that he would not be forgiven soon.

Ziva shook her head, "When are you going to kiss and make up."

"Hmmf," Abby turned again, "When hell freezes over!"

"Well I don't know what more to say, I have apologized and if that is not good enough I don't know what to do." McGee spoke softly, the guilt of what happened was still eating away at him. He woke up a few times this weekend covered in sweat after a nightmare, wherein Tony lost the baby. "And if I was allowed to see Tony I would have apologized to him as well."

"He did not even want to see me," Abby's voice was sad, "he always wants me there when he's in hospital."

"Now you two, this is not about you," Director Sheppard walked into the lab. There was a time that she would have given anything to see the back of Tony, but that time has passed and she has been trying to make up for the hurt that she had caused him. Her affair with Gibbs lasted no longer than a month and then they both realized that it was not what either of them wanted. Although Gibbs still did not want to acknowledge his true desire for the man that he loved. They all picked up on the looks into the area of the bullpen where his desk was, the concern that would flash in his eyes whenever they found out Tony went for a doctors appointment. The only thing standing in his way was the fact that he would not admit to himself that he still loved Tony.

"Have you seen him?" Abby asked worried, "Is he ok?"

"Yes I have seen him and he is fine." Jenny sat down, "That is why I have called you here, Tony is coming in this morning and asked me to be here when he talks to all of you. Now I want to have your assurance that you will listen to him before you say anything."

Abby nodded, but knew deep within that what ever Tony will be saying will not be what she wants to hear. "Is Gibbs coming as well?"

"I asked him, but you know him as well as I. He can be too stubborn for his own good."

They all stood around quietly, pondering on their own on what the news would be.

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Ok hope you enjoyed - not too much of a cliffy, let's see what Tony's big news could be.


	7. Chapter 7

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"Hey," Tony spoke softly as he walked into the lab, Ducky by his side.

"Tony!" Abby ran to him but stopped just in front of him not sure if she would be allowed to hug her friend.

Tony held his arms open and she didn't wait for any further invitation as she engulfed him in a hug, "I'm ok Abbs," Tony spoke softly kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry for what happened Tony, I don't know what came over me," McGee could not hold on to the regret any longer.

"It's fine Tim, no harm no foul." Tony shrugged and then smiled at Ziva and then looked around realizing that there was one person missing. Sighing he took a deep breath, he should have known, but maybe this would make it easier on him. "Thank you all for coming. I'm sure you are all wondering why I asked you to come." They all nodded and allowed him to continue. "Firstly I'm sorry for shutting you out the past few days but I needed time to get my feelings sorted out in my head and knew that I needed to make a few decisions that would be best for me."

Abby sniffled back a sob as he started knowing that this was not going to be good.

"When I woke up on the floor of the gym the first thing that went through my mind was my baby, and at that moment I knew that I would not be able to give him up. I knew he was a part of me and a part of the man I love," he blinked away the tears. "I just can't do it here, I can't be here and raise the son of the man I love not able to share everything with him. So I've spoken to Jenny and I'll be getting a transfer."

Abby could not keep the sob back anymore and Ducky placed an arm around her shoulder, this was a shock to all of them, but Abby was the more emotional one.

"I however only have one request and I know that it is not something you are going to be happy with but I need you guys to promise me that you will respect my wishes." Tony knew that what he was going to ask would be asking a lot. "Jenny have spoken to the SecNav and he agreed that I can take the next 6 months off for the birth of the little one and then he will be placing me where needed. I've asked him not to divulge the information to anyone until I'm ready. So please don't look for me."

"You can't just leave like that," Abby sniffed, heart broken.

"Abigail, my dear let him finish," Ducky spoke as he held her while she cried softly into his shoulder.

"I have to make a new start and to be able to do that I need to make a clean break. I know you can't understand and I know this is hard for you but my first priority now is my baby and although it is the hardest decision I have ever made I have to do it for me and my baby." Tony said softly, "You guys will always be close to my heart, but I can't stay here." He had to get out of here before he changes his mind, he turned to Ziva, "Look after them for me." He gave her a quick hug, "and keep Probie on his toes."

"I will," Ziva wiped way the tear that escaped, "promise me that you will let us at least know that you and the little one are ok."

"I will," Tony turned to Jenny, "Thanks for everything and good luck for the future."

Jenny smiled and returned the hug, "You keep yourself and the little one safe."

Tony turned to McGee, "Probie," he held out his hand. "No hard feelings." McGee nodded taking his hand.

"I'm sorry," McGee was at a loss of words, he had never expected things to turn this bad. He was responsible for Tony leaving. If he just kept his anger inside, "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I know, and it is not your fault," Tony smiled, "what you heard me saying in the gym..." he swalloed back the tears again, "I had already decided to leave, but I was going to ask Abby and you if you wanted to adopt my baby, at that time I could not see myself taking care of him but I also did not want him to grow up with people I did not know."

To say he was shocked would be an understatement, "I didn't know."

"Yea," Tony touched his nose, "I would say so. But that knock against my head did me a little bit of good. Knocked some sense into me." Tony smiled, "I realized that this little one needed at least one of his fathers, he did not ask to be here and he was created in love, even if we are not together anymore I know that when we created this little one, we were both deeply in love." He could not stop the tears this time and allowed it to flow.

Abby had her arms wrapped around him within seconds, "He still loves you Tony," she whispered, "he is just a bit conflicted."

Tony smiled as the words reminded him of Kate, "I don't know Abbs, maybe he does, but I can't wait forever for him to make up his mind. I need to go on with my life."

"Away from us," she knew she sounded whiny but she did not care.

"I can't stay here Abbs, I wish I could take all of you with me but I can't do that either. You are needed here."

"But who is going to look after you?" Abby sobbed again.

"I can look after myself," Tony rubbed her back, "but thank you for taking care of me in the last few months." He looked at McGee then whispered into her ear, "Now McGee needs a bit of TLC."

"Hmmf," she muffled into his shoulder.

"Don't be angry with him, he loves you and you love him don't throw that away," he said pleadingly, pulling away a little to look into her eyes, "promise me."

Abby could see the hurt in his eyes, knew why it was important for her to promise him. She nodded slowly, "I will."

"Thank you." Tony kissed her on her head, "I love you Abbs and I promise I'll never forget you." She hugged him again, not willing to let go. "I have to go now Abbs, you have to let go."

She shook her head, not wanting to let go of her friend, fearing that she will never see him again if he left the building.

Tony hugged her back tightly, "I'll miss you." He looked up at McGee the unspoken request for help clear in his eyes.

McGee stepped closer and placed a hand on Abby's shoulder, "Come here," he held his arms open and then smiled relieved as Abby turned to him and sank into his arms.

Tony smiled fondly at the two and then turned to Ducky, extending his hand, "Ducky, I'm gonna miss all our talks."

Ducky took the offered hand, "Me too dear boy, me too." The sadness thick in his voice, "You look after yourself and the little one."

Tony nodded pulling the older man closer for a hug, "Look after Abby for me," the older man nodded and then Tony added softly, "and Jethro."

"I promise Anthony," Ducky gave him a reassuring smile and then stepped away as Tony turned to leave, filling the lab with a feeling of emptiness.

Abby sniffed against McGee, then pushed out of his arms and ran to the elevator in which Tony had just disappeared, "Tony! You can't go!" Stopping at the already closed doors she turned and looked at the man standing in front of her. "You have to stop him, we can not loose him Gibbs."

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Hmmmm ...... Will Gibbs be able to change his mind???


	8. Chapter 8

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To say that he had been conflicted was the correct word, the past few months had been a hell of ups and downs for the older man and he was at a loss of what to do. He knew what he should do, he knew what his heart was telling him to do, but for some reason at the back of his mind there was this nagging feeling that he was cheating on them.

He had never felt the same way for anyone as he did for Shannon. He had tried on many occasions to replace her with some floozy red head, that had never been able to come close to being what she was. He had tried to move on from what he had with her and it had been hard. Then he had met this cocky young Italian in Baltimore and without knowing it Tony had started taking up his own space in the Marine's heart. He could say he fell in love with Tony the day he first laid eyes on him, but he did not believe in love at first sight. So he ignored the feelings, pushed them to the back of his mind. Slowly but surely Tony had creped deeper and deeper into his heart, but never replaced the place he had only for Shannon. Nobody could ever do that, he would not allow it.

Then Tony had to open that dammed letter and his whole world shook on its axes. He felt the same fear and dread he did when he lost Shannon, and then he knew that Shannon would want him to move on, would want him to be loved and love again. And he did, he opened his heart and mind and allowed Tony in, although he knew that Tony had taken up residency in his heart a long time ago. It worked out perfectly, with all his previous relationship he would try and measure them up to Shannon, but with Tony there was nothing to be measured against. Tony would never be a replacement for Shannon he was someone totally different.

They were happy, contented in their relationship, even though there were things that still needed to be said between them. Things from Tony's past that he was still not willing to share, things from his own past that Tony did not know about and he knew that he had to tell him at some stage. But then things took a turn for the worse, with the anniversary of Shannon and Kelly's deaths on his mind he had shut Tony out and then finding out that Tony was capable of having children. To say it went to hell in a hand-basket does not come close. He was still shocked, he had never felt the need to have any more children, it had been the cause of many a fight in his previous marriages and it seemed to have been the breaking point for his and Tony's relationship as well. He didn't want more children, he had made that clear to all his previous wives before their marriage and made it even clearer after they had gotten married.

He however did not think that it would have been something that he had to discuss with Tony. Tony had never been fond of children and would never request to adopt, but then he got pregnant, not by choice must be said but it was enough to bring Gibbs to a complete halt. He could never replace Kelly. And that was the bottom line. He loved his little girl more than life itself and he could not love that way again. Did not want to love that way again.

He knew that he was hurting Tony with his reaction, but the thought of someone taking his little girls place was not something he wanted to consider. He was sure that if Tony knew about Kelly and the reason behind not wanting another child, he would understand. Tony himself always said that he did not want children, were never good with them, and he was relieved to hear that Tony had decided to give the child up for adoption. It was wrong to feel that way and he knew it, but he did not want any child to go through life trying to measure up to a memory that they would never come close to. He had always been a selfish bastard and he knew his reaction to this was proof of that again. And maybe in a few months or years he could get Tony to forgive him and give their relationship another chance.

But standing here hearing the pain he had caused, was too much. When he walked into the gym on Thursday his heart skipped a beat seeing Tony so still on the floor. All he wanted to do was run to his side, but he knew that too much had been done in the past few months to take away his right to do that. If he was honest with himself, he loved Tony more than anyone would ever know, but he still had to deal with the issue of his pregnancy. Maybe if the baby was there and he saw him he would be able to change his mind. Maybe if it was a boy he did not have to measure it against Kelly. But was it fair to love one child less.

Seeing Tony turn around he stepped further into the shadows, this was it, he was leaving. He felt his heart being torn in two, could he let him go?

Then Abby stood in front of him, her eyes red with all the crying, "You have to stop him, we can not loose him Gibbs."

Without a word he ran down the stairs taking two at a time, he had to stop him. Could not let him leave like this. Could not let him leave period! As he entered the parking area he saw Tony open his car door, "Tony!"

Tony stopped dead in his tracks, closing his eyes as he heard his name being called. How long has he waited and wanted to hear just that one word, from that one person, but not today. Not the day he had finally made a decision to go on without him. He did not know if he should be happy or angry. Happy that maybe finally Gibbs had to courage to face him or angry that it took his leaving to force Gibbs' hand. He continued to open the door, not willing to let him in again.

"Tony please," Gibbs spoke softly behind him, "tell me what I have to do or say to make you stay."

Tony turend around, a sad smile on his face as the tears ran down his cheeks, taking a few steps closing the gap between them, "I love you Gibbs, and will till the day I die." He placed a caste kiss on his cheek, "but if you do not know the answer to your own question, it might just be something you are not ready to give us yet."

For the first time since his wife and daughter were killed, Gibbs allowed the tears to fall. He needed to tell Tony, needed to make him understand. But he was at a loss for words. Tony wiped a tear away with his thumb, "Take care of them." Then he placed a soft kiss on his lips, "and yourself." Tony turned closing his eyes allowing his own tears to fall has he got in the car and drove away from the man he loved.

"I love you Tony," Gibbs whispered as he watched the car disappear in the distance.

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Ok so that was the re-posting of the previous story, I will be uploading the first chapter of the sequel tomorrow!!!


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